Wednesday, 15 December 2010


This is the time of year when many people leave the UAE, either to visit their home Country, or for good. Repatriation is an issue for many, bearing in mind that the lifestyle here is vastly different from the one we have been used to living in our home Country. Here in the UAE for example, it is commonplace to work extremely long hours or to be available to your employer over the weekend. But this hard work is rewarded with benefits like employing live in servants, having the money to indulge your hobbies like scuba diving, flying or eating out in very expensive restaurants. There is of course, constant debate here about people who take the lifestyle too seriously, gaining delusions of grandeur which need to be shaken off before repatriating and returning to former lifestyles.

In this vein, I propose a repatriation course for those returning to their home Country, who wish to be prepared. Modules will include but will not be restricted to the following:

1. Supermarket shopping, covering:
  • What is a supermarket and how to shop
  • Parking in an empty parking space that is a short distance away, instead of hovering for 20 minutes, blocking the traffic, until the person parked nearest the door leaves
  • Packing your own shopping and loading it into your car yourself
  • Locating the 'pork section' amongst the normal aisles
  • Putting shopping into cupboards at home
2. Home Duties, covering:
  • Identification of household equipment and its uses
  • Vacuuming, polishing and washing - why bother?
  • The iron and ironing board - what are they used for?
  • How to converse with your own children
  • How to walk your own dog
3. Courtesy and how to use it, covering:
  • Please and thank you - what do they mean?
  • why all people in your home Country are treated equally
  • Queuing
  • And (if returning to the UK) advanced queuing
4. Driving (this is a compulsory module for men but optional for women):
  • the rude hand gesture and how to use it to enhance the driving experience
  • Indicators and what they are used for
  • Roundabouts - WTF?
  • Actually stopping at a junction
  • Changing lanes without causing the death of other drivers
  • Why driving on two wheels on a motorway is illegal
The course is in the preparatory stages and any suggestions for additional modules are welcomed.

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