It's that time of year again: the domain of the Office Party. It's the end of another long and challenging year and the opportunity to let one's hair down at the Company's expense is too good to pass up. And so, we get our gladrags on, a bit of make up, dust off the high heels and head for the End of Year Party (note that these are no longer referred to as the 'Christmas Party', although Father Christmas has been known to put in an appearance). So, I thought it best (as guru of 'what NOT to do when you are drunk') I should offer some advice to the uninitiated on office party etiquette.
1. Outfits: think 'going out with your mum' rather than 'on the lash with the girls' so leave the leopard skin boobtube at home.
2. Only speak to the Senior Management Team between the aperitifs and the buffet - not towards the end of the night when the cocktails start coming out.
3. As far as Disco Divas are concerned you are right up there with them, but to save some very unusual looks in the office next week, try and keep the Beyonce 'Single ladies' moves at bay. Think dancing round your handbag, rather than pole dancing.
4. As the evening progresses,and with the beer goggles on, everyone from the office suddenly becomes your friend, refrain from offering any useful advice, or home truths. Believe me, honesty is NOT the best policy.
5. Taking photos on your phone of your very drunk colleagues and uploading them immediately to Facebook might seem like a good idea at the time, but is likely to get you sent to Coventry come Monday morning.
6. Never, under any circumstances, and especially not after more than one glass of wine, should you comment upon or indicate your approval/disgust at colleagues other halves. So the 50 year old guy who brings the 17 year old taiwanese wife he met on the internet, who is clearly dressed by TopShop, is not to be subjected to your critical eye. No, no, no.
7. Karaoke: is for someone else. Nuff said, I think.
8. And finally, for those who are single: as soon as you feel the urge to touch, kiss, become intimate in any way, shape or form, with any of your colleagues, it's time to leave and go home to bed. ALONE.
So, Merry Christmas everyone and have a good party season.