5/10 for effort - please see me...

And so the new term begins and the university is buzzing with students. I have already managed to mix up the timetables and send all of the students to the wrong classes, so the term is starting well. I love the beginning of term and I get very excited about meeting all of the new students. I love the challenges they give me in the classroom from their inquiring minds, as well as their enthusiasm. This age group is lovely to teach. They are desperate to be independent and yet they are still vulnerable  They rely on you to coax and provide the positive reinforcement they seek.

Inevitably, the term brings with it that dirty word: assessment. I can only look forward to the marking of 140 persectives on a single subject with the enthusiam I usually reserve for colonic irrigation, or the funeral of a close family member. So, to maintain my levels of motivation for the long days ahead, plowing through the drivel that is the modern essay, I have developed my own language to be used on students essays. Below is a small example, along with translations:

Phrased Used	Academic Translation
This is an interesting piece	This is a load of drivel
You have made good use of sources	Most of this has been copied from text books so that you don’t get caught out on the plagiarism software by copying off the internet
You should try to write in paragraphs at all times	How long have I been teaching you and you still can’t write in paragraphs??
I have given you a bare pass for this essay....	I would really like to fail you but I can’t think of a good enough reason to...
You need to pay close attention to the essay question...	I don’t know which question you are answering but it is not the one you were asked Seriously! Can’t you read!