As some of you may be aware, I'm going to be 40 next month. And, in view of the previous discussion of not remembering Terry's surname, I thought a bit of meditation on the art of growing older was called for.
Leon Trotsky said, 'Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man'. I can't decide whether he means to include women in this, in a 'man' represents 'mankind' sort of way, or whether I should ask myself if old age ever comes unexpectedly to a woman? Whether it comes expectedly or not we have no reason to worry. The likes of L'Oreal, Tena Lady, the Wonderbra and Olay have it covered. The answer to everything lies in creams and treatments, some of which cost more than your first car. We will be forever youthful if we just follow a simple regime: we must wax, colour, inject, spread cream upon, pluck and squeeze. So, where you used to get up every morning and just wash your face and go to work, you now have two and a half hours of your regime to take care of before leaving the house.
Someone once said: 'The past is another country - they do things differently there' - they certainly do. In the past I could touch my toes, sit cross legged for more than 10 minutes and still get up again, I could jump on the trampoline without niagra falls in my underwear, facial hair was what men had and I wasn't even remotely interested in programmes entitled '10 years younger'.
So, despite the wonders of the modern age I am sticking with the ladies of the 19th Century as explained by the lovely Oscar Wilde:
'Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty five for years.'