Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Dear Smudge

Dear Smudge,

I write on behalf of 'De Management' who wish to call attention to some recent, and flagrant, disregard of 'the household rules'. It is incumbent upon me to outline that said rules are to ensure the mutual enjoyment of our surroundings and/or each other's company. I therefore, draw your attention to the following matters and ask you for your support in making our family life one of mutual respect and admiration:

1. 5am is NOT breakfast time. No amount of licking of faces, pouncing on a noisy toy or jumping up and down on the bed will induce the mother and father to get up and provide you with nourishment at this ungodly hour.
2. Underneath the duvet is NOT a place for pussy-cats. You sleep ON TOP of the duvet.
3. Yes, we are aware that the bedside lights can be turned on or off by touching them. There is no need for a nighly demonstration of such effects, particularly before 6am.
4. The four poster bed is not a climbing frame for pussy-cats. There is no need therefore, for you to climb the curtains, launch yourself onto the top of the frame and run around it as if it were the Formula 1 race track.
5. Pussy-cats go OUTSIDE in the daytime: ones natural processes can be best served in someone else's garden rather than the litter tray which 'De Management' have to clean out.
6. Toys which squeak, groan, whir or include attachments with bells do NOT need to be ignored all evening and then become an object of fascination once everyone has gone to bed.
7. Anything that goes into the litter tray, STAYS in the litter tray and does not need to be removed from said tray and played with on the kitchen floor.
8. It is with regret that we must confirm, after the recent munching of bread items on top of the toaster, that the breakfast bar is out of bounds.
9. Persons walking around the house with no socks or shoes on are not inviting you to bite their ankles.
10. Finally, what goes up, must come down and therefore, if you manage to climb into next door's garden you must ensure that you are able to climb back. Step ladders, the fire brigade or the RSPCA will no longer be deployed in rescuing adventurous pussy-cats.

I thank you in advance for your careful observance of these rules from now on.


De Management.

1 comment:

  1. Oh My Goodness Louise! It sounds like you have your hands full with your precious pussy cat!!! Here we thought we had it bad with our dear Gracie Lou (Grace, because it was by the GRACE of God she survived!). She can also be a hand full at night - especially when we have our windows open or she is in one of her snuggly-wuggly moods... See, 10 days after our beloved Grandmother died of cancer, my eldest daughter found her outside - a new born kitten... Her mother had just been hit by a car, which my poor daughter had witnessed. Krissy heard a teeny-tiny "MEOW." When she turned, there was our little blessing in disguise barely able to walk, calling for her mommy. Krissy searched for others, but found none; so she brought Gracie home. Her eyes and ears weren't even open yet. The cat sanctuary gave us everything we needed to feed her FREE as long as we agreed to care for her until she was older. We were warned that it would be by the GRACE of God IF she lived though because most babies do NOT make it... Me being an animal lover agreed. Anyway, Now our little scaredy cat likes to jump on our heads to get into our windows that are above our head board. OR she will come while you are trying to sleep and get right in your face to snuggle. Boy does she DROOL too and her nose is as cold as an ice cube and just as wet!!! EEWW! It is so gross feeling when you are sleeping and she sticks it right in the crook of your chin and chest to nestle and needle - as if she were to nurse or something. And the licking. I feel your pain there. UGH, that sandpaper tongue! The nails like needles, yeah, they get cut off because I can't stand them. She is not allowed to go outside - EVER! I am too afraid she would get hit by a car. I couldn't handle that! She escaped once and didn't like it. She sat by the front door, crouching behind the Hostas crying and howling - like she was begging to be let back in. It was so cute. She has NEVER tried that again. I don't think she would ever want to go outside ever again either. All in all, we can not complain though. She does not have the same issues your pussy cat does. She is a really good sweetie-pie. No biting, no playing with noisy toys at night, no climbing on the counter tops and eating the bread, no playing Formula 1 on bed frames, nothing like you describe. However, we do have funny moments.

    1. Climbing the wall and turning on a wall light when playing with her laser.
    2. Batting at my black paisley purse like it was some sort of enemy - it SCARED her.
    3. Batting at a gardening book that I sat on the floor for a few minutes - it SCARED her! She thought it was an enemy on the attack! LOL!
    4. Playing with Krissy's rat Remy when he was out and about, but didn't try to eat him - like she should have been trying to do. She just snuggled up to him like he was her BABY!
    5. Reaching up and HUGGING our big chow-chow Bear-Bear and Kissing him right on the nose.
    6. Snuggling up in a box with Patches (my youngest daughter Angie's Guinea Pig) when his cage was getting cleaned like she was protecting him from any "enemies" that might hurt him.
    7. Laying in front of the stove watching the cracks with her hair standing on end like there was a monster in it or something. Then hissing at Krissy when she went to pick her up.
    8. Doing back flips after looking under the coffee table and me moving my foot stool because she got scared out of her wits.
    I tell ya Louise, life with pussy-cats is NEVER boring. At least not around my house - especially when Gracie is such a scaredy cat! I hope my little "book" of our adventures with our beloved Gracie has put a smile on your face, as your regalia of your adventures with Smudge has put smiles on Krissy and mine!!!

    Hugs and Blessings,

    Jenn Shaffer