Procrastination Perfection

When I tell someone that we actually finish teaching at Easter, they often say 'what do you do all day?' and to be honest, it's a bit difficult to say. By mid June however, I have become the Queen of wasting time; the perfect procrastinator. I can spend all day doing literally, nothing. So, for those uninitiated in this fine art I thought I would pass on some helpful hints. Here's a description of the perfectly procrastinated day at work:

10am. Optimal arrival time at work because you can immediately see which of your co-workers are equally lazy buggers by the number of cars in the car park. The boss's car is unlikely to be here by now.
10.05am Say good morning to everyone who is in, stopping to chat with as many as possible.
10.20am Log onto computer and whilst it whirls and groans, make first cup of tea, stopping to chat with any member of staff already in the kitchen.
10.45am Take out numerous papers, journal articles and half written papers and place them, strewn across your desk. This is sure to make you look extremely busy and intellectual. (For anyone struggling with this, see 'Professor Yaffel' in our building - he has this down to a fine art)
11am Log on to Facebook. Play Cityville. Log off and then login to your child's Facebook page to spend half an hour playing their Cityville and sending yourself stuff to your own Cityville account.
11.30am Log back onto your Facebook account to check new wall postings and finish game of scrabble.
11.45am Time for a cup of coffee from Starbucks. Remember to go round the office first, asking everyone if they want a Starbucks and write down orders. Walk to Starbucks to buy searing hot coffee in the 40 degree heat.
12.15pm. Log onto work emails, read them slowly, swear a lot. Send a few rude replies.
12.45pm Log onto Linkedin and read updates from all the other saddos on there.
1pm Lunch. Don't bring your own packed lunch because you can waste half an hour wandering round the food court trying to decide what to have.
1.30pm Bring lunch back to desk and eat it surrounded by your strewn papers so that it looks like you are just 'squeezing lunch in, in an already very busy day'
2pm. Log onto personal emails. I have four accounts so this takes a while. Reply to anyone who has bothered to share the details of their life with you today.
3pm. Coffee break.
3.15pm. Log onto work emails again. Swear more, send more rude replies.
3.45pm. Time for a blog entry I think.
4pm. Pick up a number of the strewn papers, pack them into your laptop bag, with your laptop, in the pretence that is called 'I'm going to just finish up with this at home' and leave for the day.

Perfect!

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