Back to School

Today, I want to clear up a common misconception: that it is only children who go to secondary school. Those 'back to school' signs that you see in the shops; they're not for the kids, they're for you. All that algebra and probability you learnt in school and you wondered when in life you were ever going to use them again, well, that time has come. You were taught those topics simply because your children will be tortured with them, and you will be required to help. Homework at secondary school is for you. Those 'back to school' signs are an indication to you that you need to crack open your old text books and get revising because you are going back to school with your child.

So, the topics I have battled with in the past couple of weeks have included:

• A structured essay on the topic 'What the Romans Did for us?'. Now, my immediate thought was of course to search for the Life of Brian Monty Python sketch and simply write down what they said, but no. That would be far too simple. An 11 year old is required to research this topic and provide evidence of their sources. They must explain the many innovations of the Romans, choose the most significant and justify their answer. Oh, and it needs to be 300 words. Hmm.
• A report detailing how a chocolate manufacturer could add a museum to their factory. This must indicate floor layout, design of displays and exact details of the information on the displays, including the science and history of chocolate. The report must contain an annotated bibliography for all sources, including those rejected and why.
• And lastly, and this is my particular favourite: an analysis of Fur Elise and Ode to Joy by Beethoven, comparing and contrasting the two pieces, paying attention to the tonality, timbre, dynamics, structure and texture of the music. WTF?

So, prepare yourself. Year 7 is the new 1st year of university. So, get studying!